MEET THE TEAM


[Ham Socks]

Ham Socks is a twenty-three-year-old guru who discovered the magic of eastern philosophy through TikTok. He spends his nights pretending to read Sanskrit while wearing an MF DOOM mask and a torn brown sleep shirt. He grew out his hair to a phenomenal length, yet only wears it in a ponytail because of the heat, effectively making him look like a ’70s porn star despite his grand knowledge of the universe. He’s working on an EP right now that explains all of this, but just like the Sanskrit, it’s incomprehensible to him.


[Thirst Thymer]

Thirst Thymer is a man of unknown age who, just like most of us, is afraid of change. He wears a rainbow striped shirt that’s a little too small for him as well as a pinwheel hat for comfort. He’s a confused person, but he has a big heart. He spends his nights scrolling on his phone, feeling a great sense of dread from any advertisement, but is too lazy to consider an ad blocker. His favorite is Instagram reels, where he found an account that sets his favorite songs, such as Vamp Anthem by Playboi Carti, Sarah by Alex G, and GONE, GONE / THANK YOU by Tyler, the Creator, to cats dancing. He’s always been willing to learn anything, but he never changes.


[Missus Supper]

The hero of this story, she speaks for herself.


[Theo]

It’s me :3



THE TEXT


[an introduction spoken by Ham Socks]

“Boys and girls
I’m gonna tell you a story
And what I mean by that is
I need you to sit down and listen
And you should listen
Because I am your elder
And even if you’re older than me in terms of
You know
Age
That doesn’t matter
Because in some other sense
I'm a lot older than you
Because i know more than you
I know how all of this fucking works
Okay?
I know where you came from
And where you’re fucking going
And everything in between
What’s that?
You just wanna live that out?
And you don’t wanna know
why
Or how to live
The best way that you fucking can?
Well than all I gotta say to you is what the fuck is wrong with you!?
Because i know
A lot more than you fucking know
About all of this
Where it’s going
Where it came from
I
Know
More than you
Because I sat down
And thought about it
Much fucking longer
Than you did
So sit down
And listen”


[a confession by Thirst Thymer, Now Old]

“Things I used to say hit different back then
Now I shrink when they ask me when

She told me time worked different back then
Well, I look her in the eyes and I ask her when

She tells me of a time
Where time didn’t work
How time worked before time
And that before the beginning
There was a beginning
The world begged so hard for a beginning
It bargained it’s bravery out of a beehive
And into a beginning it begun to begin
And somewhere in that little thought in your little head is where we were made
And that place was under the eyelash of a cute girl asking where schaefer 232 is
You tell her the world isn’t as blue or as true as you is
The world is a blue dot that’s a lot different than an LED
The blue of my world is a flood light
And no don’t worry, he doesn’t bite
Pornographic video games and pink salt resolve and dissolve much quicker
I feel like the dot under my feet saved me from that
Thank you, champ!
She argues about vinyls and if they’re cool or not
Well, they’re not
And once again they’re just different flavors
And no, don’t take my word for it
I’m lowkey pissed that they’re the same fucking color
The cones in my eyes can’t tell what’s different
Strawberry
Banna
And I miss her”


[a chant delivered by Three Brothers turned into One]

“How could Christmas turn into this?”


[a feeling by Thirst Thymer, Not Young]

“And YOU
You fucking sphere
With your shaving cream and economics
Fine details that always breakdown
Dirac delta functions and cope
Will make sense of you
Delta functions and cope
Make sense of you!

Video Games make me sad now
They used to be as vivid as the pool or a museum
I’m lost in this pretentious thought
It feels like everybody else is living inauthentically
And get to experience their lives
Oh so here
And oh so now
I feel like I’m the only one who knows what’s happening
But I just cant be there to miss it”

[the redemption as rescued by Missus Supper, The Savior]

“And it’s
Hey babe
With your guardian eyes so blue
Hey babe
Don’t you know
Your eyes
Are blue”


[a commentary by Theo]

“You know it all feels like the first time I tried to engage in casual conversation
You know
Whoever knows how long ago
I felt so sly and so comfortable
Just for my grandma to ask me what the fuck I was talking about
I was just trying to tell her about a time
Where time didn’t work
How time worked before time…”